Trump’s Gaslighting and the Narcissistic Parent-Child Dynamic
Brenna Pérez recently discussed on TikTok how Trump is weaponizing time to gaslight the public. Hearing her say gaslighting struck a chord with me, as I grew up with a narcissistic parent and know firsthand how gaslighting is a typical tactic narcissists use. During my psychology studies, I focused intently on narcissism and the parent-child dynamic, which is why Pérez’s observation resonated so deeply. In my previous post, I explored the psychology behind Trump’s overloading strategy and in this post I’ll explore the narcissistic parent-child dynamic and how our relationship with Trump and his administration mirrors the toxic dynamics of a narcissistic family system. In such families, the narcissistic parent maintains control through manipulation, emotional exploitation, and chaos. Similarly, Trump and his administration function like a narcissistic parent, casting the American public in the role of the child—vulnerable, dependent, and perpetually seeking approval or stability.
The Narcissistic Parent-Child Dynamic
Creating Dependency
Narcissistic parents often foster dependency in their children by creating an environment of unpredictability and insecurity. They may alternate between moments of affection and harsh criticism, leaving the child desperate for approval and unable to trust their own judgment. Similarly, Trump’s administration bombards the public with a mix of grandiose promises (“I alone can fix it”) and fear-mongering rhetoric (e.g., “American carnage”). This keeps the public emotionally off-balance, constantly seeking reassurance or direction from the very source of their anxiety.
Psychologists refer to this as trauma bonding, where the victim becomes emotionally attached to their abuser due to intermittent reinforcement (Carnes, 1997). In the context of Trump’s leadership, this dynamic is evident in the way his base remains loyal despite repeated betrayals or failures.
Gaslighting and Reality Distortion
Narcissistic parents often gaslight their children, denying their experiences or rewriting history to maintain control. For example, they might dismiss a child’s feelings or insist that abusive behavior never occurred. Trump and his administration employ similar tactics, routinely dismissing factual evidence, attacking the media as “fake news,” and rewriting narratives to suit their agenda.
This gaslighting creates a sense of confusion and self-doubt in the public, much like it does in the child of a narcissistic parent. Over time, this erodes trust in external sources of information and reinforces reliance on the abuser for “truth” (Stern, 2007).
Emotional Exploitation
Narcissistic parents often exploit their children’s emotions to meet their own needs, whether for admiration, control, or validation. Trump’s administration similarly exploits public emotions, using fear, anger, and division to rally support or distract from failures. For instance, the constant focus on immigration crises or “enemies of the people” rhetoric serves to stoke fear and redirect attention away from internal problems.
This emotional exploitation is a hallmark of narcissistic abuse, as it prioritizes the abuser’s needs over the well-being of those they are supposed to care for (McBride, 2013).
Creating Chaos to Maintain Control
Narcissistic parents often thrive in chaotic environments, as it allows them to position themselves as the sole source of stability or authority. By creating constant drama or conflict, they ensure that their children remain focused on them rather than seeking independence. Similarly, Trump’s administration thrives on chaos, whether through sudden policy shifts, inflammatory tweets, or public feuds with allies and adversaries alike.
This chaos serves to keep the public distracted and disoriented, making it difficult to organize resistance or hold the administration accountable. Psychologists refer to this as chaos manufacturing, a tactic often used by authoritarian leaders to maintain power (Altemeyer, 2006).
So, how do we break free from this narcissistic cycle? While I plan to explore critical thinking strategies in a future post, here are some immediate steps to begin reclaiming agency:
Recognizing these dynamics is the first step toward breaking free from their grip. Just as children of narcissistic parents must learn to trust their own perceptions and establish boundaries, the public must resist the urge to rely on Trump and his administration for validation or stability. This means:
Seeking Reliable Information: Turn to credible, fact-based sources and cross-check information to avoid falling prey to gaslighting. (For more on identifying trustworthy news, see my post here.)
Building Community: Just as support groups help survivors of narcissistic abuse, collective action and solidarity can empower the public to resist manipulation. (For ideas on fostering community and mutual aid, check out this post here.)
Prioritizing Self-Care: Emotional exhaustion is a tool of control. Taking breaks from the news and engaging in self-care can help maintain resilience. (It’s a reminder I often share because it’s essential.)
The parallels between Trump’s administration and a narcissistic family system are striking—and deeply troubling. By understanding these dynamics, we can better recognize the psychological tactics being used to manipulate and control us. More importantly, we can begin to reclaim our agency, refusing to play the role of the dependent child in this toxic relationship. The antidote to narcissistic abuse, whether in a family or a nation, is clarity, boundaries, and collective resistance.
References
Altemeyer, B. (2006). The Authoritarians. Winnipeg: University of Manitoba.
Carnes, P. (1997). The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships. Deerfield Beach: Health Communications.
McBride, K. (2013). Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. New York: Atria Books.
Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. New York: Morgan Road Books.